Fear of flying

Okay, it’s time the truth came out…I am not exactly feeling “called” to Haiti. One, I am terrified of spiders, and the pictures of Steve holding a tarantula that he pummeled to death are…well, terrifying. Two, the trip requires shots. Painful shots. I do not like shots. Nor am I a fan of paying my doctor’s office hard-earned money to inject me with said shots. At least I won’t get whooping cough though, right? Three, this fundraising deal is not going as planned. Here is my daily routine: drive home from work. Stop at the mailbox. Flip through junk mail hoping to discover an envelope from someone I know. Discover no envelope. Sigh. Or, the group fundraising has gone like this: plan, discuss, set date for event…rain. Set new date for event…rain. Granted, we are in a drought and quite frankly I am tired of feeling guilty for taking a hot shower and would like our newly planted grass to grow, but come on God, we are trying to raise some money here! So, I have been feeling not so thrilled with the whole Haiti trip. I also forgot to mention number four, which is that I am scared of both tiny planes going over mountains and also riding in a van over bumpy terrain in dangerous places for three hours. Neither option is too thrilling. But I digress. I have this husband who I am committed to, and he loves mission trips, so of course he was like, “sign me up!” We talked about him going and me staying home, but that conversation lasted about two seconds. Not an option. So, I’m going…with reservations. Then, this past Sunday I heard something in the message at church that just clicked with me. Steve said something along the lines of “Jesus comes in and demands re-orientation and that’s not easy...We hate to be told to change our course…We hate to surrender and give up control.” Well, I have been pondering the whole control issue for awhile now. And giving up control and following a course (to Haiti!) is one that has me feeling uncomfortable, a bit grouchy about being put on a path that is bumpy right now, and nervous. But, I also know that God is in this whole plan, and that’s kind-of exciting. I suppose.

Emily